lizards on toast :: forever (personal)

2007-08-04 12:19:19

.  From the last few weeks: Devestated, crushed, broken.  Love, hope, peace.

.  Made it back safely from Missouri.  Frederick hasn’t really changed in my absence; neither has the house.  I still won’t be able to call it home.  How can a building so full of stuff feel so empty?  I keep thinking I’m hearing little sounds..  well, sounds that I should normally hear.

.  It’s so hard to try to give her space when I want to talk to her so bad.  Trying to bite through the pain to make sure that she knows I love her, and want her back.  I always will.  It just kills me that while realising that stuff needs to change, the little voice is still there to say “It’s too late.. you’ve failed.”  There’s so much that I don’t understand.  Amy, if you every read this,  I love you.  I always will, and I’ll always be waiting for a call, a knock on the door, key in the lock, a touch.  When we stood in front of all those people and I made a vow between you, me, and God that forsaking all else, forever, until death.. I’d always love you, and be with you no matter what.  I meant it.  I love you.

.  It’s always the littlest stuff that makes you break down and cry.  Seeing your baby girl’s tiny hairbrush on the kitchen counter while you’re pouring coffee.  Dirty laundry left by the washing machine.  The hundreds of tiny items that mark peoples’ former presence..

out.