lizards on toast :: feed :: all

2008-01-29 15:27:12  Stuff and Obama

.  Worth thinking about: I have a house with a whole bunch of things that I “need”, yet I’m home for about ten hours in a typical week.  Really, I’m living out of my car.  This has a lot of implications more to do with computing than anything else, I suppose.  Mainly, it makes me think about how much “stuff” I really need.  All I really use on a day-to-day basis is my laptop and ipod.  I /like/ to also have my notebook and pens, but don’t neccesarily need them every day.  Of course, knowing all this doesn’t help at all when I try to go through stuff and throw things away.

.  Watching something on the History Channel about Nostradamus.  Nick left it on when he fell asleep.  It’s really fascinating, regardless of what you believe regarding his predictions.  Or maybe I’m just a sucker for mythology/secret societies.  Interesting, in any case.  Apparently, something huge is supposed to happen in 2012.  I guess we’ll see.

.  Here’s xkcd on Obama.. http://blag.xkcd.com/2008/01/28/obama/ I don’t think I can say it any better than this.

2007-10-20 16:05:30 happy

. A lot’s happened in the last couple months; much more so than the other times where I just wouldn’t update for a while. But, if you don’t already know what’s going on, I probably just don’t care about you. Or you’ve been ignoring me, basically.. again leading me to not care about you. Don’t cry, you’ll be fine. Mum, Dad, this means you guys; You can’t help me anymore. What’s done is, well, just that; done. I couldn’t change anything now even if I wanted to anymore.
Some things just aren’t reversible.

. Anyway. I’m actually happy now.. for the first time in.. well, I don’t know how long. I’ve made a lot of personal changes. Finally quit smoking (probably one of the hardest things I’ve done, ever). I’m finally at the point now where I can wake up without either making a drink or two (on the weaker days), or just really wishing I would. Contrary to a popular rumor, that wasn’t an original problem; that started in July. Go figure. (Thanks, Hop and Emily, for taking care of me.. how many times did I crash at your place?) And, I picked up my guitar again; that was an ugly two-year hiatus of not really playing at all. I really missed it. I guess the last couple of months should have really told me something was wrong. Stupid sub-concious.

. I now have the entire (finished) basement of a townhouse I rent with a couple guys from work. It’s basically a small frat house. Almost all my recent pictures were taken there. :] Now most of my free time’s spent playing guitar, writing, or just listening to music. I’ve been hanging out with Cat a lot.. listening to the Beatles or almost anything indie for around six hours or so. Stevo, we’d have a lot more in common now. I’ve gotten to spend a lot more time with Rachel, too. We went up to the Geiger’s cabin this last weekend. We got to play in a quarry for a couple hours. It was so awesome.

. Every once in a while, I’ll spend a couple hours trying to go through the stuff that was left behind. That usually doesn’t last very long before I’ll get out of the house. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. Photographs are still a little difficult; I’d give anything to get Caleb and Alexis back, even though I know I can’t pretend anything’s perfect again.

. I found this awesome music store on the recommendation of one of the guys from Record and Tape.. it’s called Joe’s Record Paradise, and has.. oh, I guess about two hundred thousand records. On vinyl. Anything you can think of, in any condition. It’s so incredibly awesome.

. I guess.. Well, I don’t know. I feel like almost a new person. And, I really am actually happy. I blame Cat, mostly. Stupid friends, being awesome.  ;]

out.

2007-09-14 07:49 from the plane

. On the plane back to Maryland. Kind of a weird trip. Some pretty bad news for our site. One of my close friends is in jail on (a) career-ending charge(s). Josh had to fly out early because of a death in the family. I made a new friend, though I’m not sure how to quantify that. I guess that’s it, really. More air-miles logged, more time spent in a meeting room courtesy of ARSTRAT/G6.

. Listening to Death Cab for Cutie. It’s been a while, so I’m enjoying it immensely.

. Caleb turns two today; Alexis turns one tomorrow. Of course, I don’t get to be there. I miss them more than anything I can think of to compare it to. Quoting Ben Folds: ‘It hurts to grow up. [...] So weird to be back here.’

out.

2007-09-11 20:25:40 fine again

.  Perfect song right now. (Just an excerpt)

It seems like everyday’s the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober, feels like I’m dyin’, here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well

I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
’cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dyin’, here?

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well

- Seether – Fine Again

2007-09-10 01:23:30 weird

. In a little bit of a weird place right now. People change. I guess that’s the biggest thing. One of my best friend’s was just arrested. It’ll be a long, long time before he’ll be out. Still awaiting trial, but it’ll be time served in Leavenworth. Even with an aquittal, he’s done, career-wise. Even after that, it’s going to be more than a little hard. That’s all I’m really going to say about it. I just don’t really know how to react.

. On the plus side, Classen isn’t, in fact, dead. He was flown to Bethesda and undergoing brain surgery. No idea if he’ll ever recover, but he’s got basic life-support functions now.

. And then I’ve been up for a little over 37 hours, discounting snoozing on the plane out here. I think I’m going to eventually crash. Jet lag sucks. More sometime later.

out.

2007-09-02 04:38 night

. It’s a beautiful night tonight. Nice breeze, mid-sixties or so. I really need to get a good picture of the stars framed by our dishes. Thought of that when we had Tuck outside, turning him into a tuck-o-lantern. (Last night on the floor). It was pretty decent, and we got some great pictures.

. We went out to the ocean yesterday, a little north of Annapolis. Found a little state park that let you go out on the beach. Totally awesome, and I got some really great pictures. It was basically just luck, because all we were doing was adventuring. Kinda taking a road to see where it went and such. Also acting as a scouting party for in case anyone else feels like traipsing around by the water.

. Again, lots of pictures. I’ll try to get them uploaded tomorrow. I had cable cut off as of 1 September, so I’ll have to bring my laptop somewhere. No big deal. I think I’m going to go ahead and crash now.

out.

2007-08-22 09:27 range

. No range today, as it turns out. It’s been raining here for three days, so the roads are aweful; our ammo truck spun out, crossed the median, and hit six other vehicles head-on. All seven are totalled. No one was seriously hurt, somehow. Again with freak accidents.

. So I’m off today. No idea what to do, though.

out.

2007-08-21 18:47 bittersweet

. Rachel and Nate are now engaged! It’s really exciting, even with everything else going on. I really thought I’d have more to say about it than that. Nate’s a great guy, and so’s his family. They’re just awesome.

. On a different note, SGT Classen, someone I worked with for the WGS group, died yesterday. He was just walking with a few people, tripped on something, and fell down the side of this little hill. He hit his head on something on the way down and went into a coma. They eventually pulled the plug; the brain damage was too extensive.

. I didn’t know him /that/ well. We just went out and grabbed a meal or a beer a few times. Still, makes you think a lot about your own mortality. A stray (or even well-aimed) bullet or mortar round is something I’m prepared to accept. A freak accident, though.. Who knows. Everybody dies, I guess.

out.

2007-08-20 07:39 cold rain

. At my sister’s apartment in PA. Everyone’s left for work now, so it’s all quiet. Rachel surprised me last night when I got here with an early birthday party. That was completely unexpected, but (of course) definitely appreciated.

. This morning I found myself staring out the window at the rain falling on the pond. Perfectly matching how I feel right now. Anyway, just then the perfect Lifehouse song came on, making it an almost perfect movie moment. You know, when the main character gets left or someone dies, and they show him watching out the window with the perfect theme music? That bit right there.

. On a brighter note, Rachel’s boyfriend is proposing tonight. She has no idea at all. It’s /so/ great. I’m fairly confident that she won’t read this, so we should be good.

. Time for me to head out and meet with a few people (like JAG). We’ll se how that goes.

out.

2007-08-16 15:58:42

Written in response to her version.

Imagine you wake up and don’t know who she is
who she has become
who the girl that you love went

Imagine her forgetting herself and all she said she stood for
Everything you loved
Knowing how she really deserved to be treated

Imagine her never telling you how she really felt
Wanting to make her happy; not realizing she’s locked inside
Never letting you see her cry, thinking she has to be strong, alone.

Imagine begging for your life back
hoping for a yes
being stabbed in the heart with a no

Imagine never sleeping
in fear of dreams that can never be
in fear that you’ll wake up, remembering that it’s not all a bad dream

Imagine being told you’re someone you hated
wishing you could take everything back
begging to be years in the past
wishing on stars
hopes and dreams crushed
crying alone at night; hearing the noises that you’ll never hear again.

Imagine always being told everything was fine
trying to get her to talk
always being turned away

Imagine her leaving
house no longer a home
mocking with a silence so empty
the one who promised to be there
two people, now one;
together against the world.

Imagine being told that you’re nothing
that she no longer loves you
you’re not even worth the effort
of one more chance, to try.

Imagine not being able to be forgiven
for any mistake; no matter how small,
stored up inside herself
built up until bursting,
never forgetting

Imagine knowing how things could be different
how you want stuff to change
to show her what love really means
held closer than before, protected from any harm
still being told no; it’s too late.

Imagine the sadness, imagine the hurt, imagine it was someone you knew